No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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