Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
