he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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