Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize