he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
