if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
