I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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