i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
