As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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