I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
