evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
