dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
