Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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