Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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