If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
