I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
