i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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