How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
