its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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