i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
