shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
