Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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