my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
