Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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