thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
as a side note pls kill me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
