Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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