too bad you live with your parents still
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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