he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize