Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
