Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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