somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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