Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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