i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
