I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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