Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
