so explain again why im purple
no
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
