as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
