Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize