i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
