A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
