I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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