A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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