im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's rum buckets o'clock
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
