I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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