Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
