I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
