how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
