her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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