everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
