dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
