it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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