are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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