I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
