new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
