Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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