Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
