hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
