Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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