every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
