She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
