I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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