She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
