got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
