Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
