He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
