Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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