I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
