I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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