i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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