Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
