Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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