Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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