u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
